I read somewhere about the huge increase in loneliness and the decrease in casseroles.
This really struck a nerve with me. The idea of the friendly casserole bridging a gap between people is such a nice thought that we rarely see now. A way to be there for a friend because you know them well enough to see they are struggling.
When you’re a kid, friendships typically come in the classroom. The kids you sit next to, get stuck with in class, and are next to you alphabetically.
Into adulthood, finding and keeping friends can be hard.
As you spend time with people, you tend to find more commonalities and grow to like them more and more.
Work and shared spaces often brings about friends. Many times a 50 year-old will be great friends with a 25-year-old that in any other walk of life would never find each other, but as neighbors, they are inseparable.
Moving around in childhood I got used to making new friends. It was before social media and easy access by phone, so I would say goodbye to my friends not knowing if I’d ever see them again.
Occasionally, I would keep a penpal or two and get in a long-distance phone call to say “hi”. Sarah was a great letter writer. I always looked forward to the envelopes with her distinctive handwriting addressed to me in the mailbox. I remember waiting until 9 o’clock to call some of my friends that lived in towns that I had left behind. We would catch up and I would hear stories about people that had changed since I left.
I attended the graduation at Mason City High School and watched the friends I wished I still knew and considered what could have been had I crossed the stage with them instead of moving my ninth grade year.
Some friendships can pick up right where they left off, even after months or years. I could call Blake right now and we could talk for hours without missing a beat.
Social media has helped preserve some level of connection with those from my past lives. It also can be a real sore spot for friendships that die off or have open wounds that aren’t dealt with.
The question of unfriending and blocking someone comes up frequently in a therapeutic space and also just in day-to-day life.
What’s the harm in saying goodbye? Would they even notice?
A few years back, there was a woman that I had known briefly from a mom‘s club that I was in. I didn’t feel particularly close to her, and I really didn’t know her very well-,but she had immediately friended me on Facebook after our first meet up.
Somewhere along the way she unfriended me, which I had noticed, not because we were good friends, but because I notice things like that. Then we saw each other at a party and she asked if she could friend me on social media to which I quipped you already had and unfriended me.
Which I should have never said but I did.
Then we became social media friends again and never saw each other after that party. We’re still friends to this day and I’m pretty sure she’s afraid to unfriend me now. Seasons of friendship can be very tough.
We want to believe that our friends have our best interests in mind and are there for us and are safe supports
. We live in a world where that isn’t always the case. Group chats that don’t include us, events we know about but aren’t invited to, and even purposeful betrayal and negativity behind our backs are all risks of having connections in life.
Being a good friend is something that can bring up lots of different definitions. For some people it’s just enough to be included while others are really looking for something more meaningful.
We live in an age where finding friends is hard. Loneliness and isolation are big problems, even as we are more connected and informed than in the history of mankind.
I would love to see a resurgence of quiet connection. A quick text to say, “how are you? I’m thinking about you.” A shared walk just to get outside and catch up. An invite to grab coffee.
Give an old friendship a new chance to evolve. Give a new friendship a chance to become meaningful. I’ve got some great recipes for casseroles.