An Elephant Named Coronavirus
Look at the room around you. Without a doubt, it has changed over the last few weeks. Where there was tidiness now there are kids’ toys and school projects or work computers and stacks of paper. Where there had been a space for your blazer to hang on the back of the chair after a long day, now there is the sweatshirt you’ve been meaning to wash since last Thursday.
COVID-19 – the Coronavirus – is present all the time. It’s on our minds. It’s the elephant in the room. From those living alone and feeling the grasp of solitude even more fully, to the partners competing for “work from home” space, to the parents now trying to add homeschool teacher to their invisible load, along with extra responsibilities, questions, concerns, and maybe even some guilt about how they are handling this.
It’s not just the concern for the world or the anxiety for the health of your loved ones. It’s being a social butterfly or having one in your home that is now irritable, suffocated by isolation. It’s having to re-learn 3rd grade math and fear you’re not cut out to be a teacher so your kid could suffer academically forever. It’s worrying that telling your kids the world is a dark and scary place right now might traumatize them, but it’s probably worse to tell them everything is fine… Right? It’s not knowing the next time you’ll see your aging mother. It’s not knowing if you’ll keep your job or find a new one in all this. It’s wondering if your spouse was always this messy, annoying, and loud. Wondering how there is so much laundry if everyone wears pajamas all day? Is it wrong to wear pajamas all day? Can the washing machine even wash off coronavirus if there are germs on the clothes?? Did we even buy enough laundry detergent to get through this? Everything adds to that invisible load.
Everyone carries an invisible load every day. Parents juggle soccer practice, teaching kids how to handle bullies, keeping the house clean while living life, being a present partner, and still having some semblance of personhood. Partners balance how to build their career with how that affects their partner, their dreams as individuals and as a unit, and their roles as a person and a significant other. People, in general, have their health, their families, their goals, their future, and their shoulds and wants and needs. So this is no different, except it is. It is massively different. And it’s going to be. It might even be different forever. And that might just have to be okay. If these words about normal stress versus these new stressors in a changed environment have you feeling panicky, that’s fine. You’re allowed to feel panicky. It is valid to feel overwhelmed and overstretched and confined and sad and confused. Feel those feelings.
This is a time to stretch our creativity muscles. I don’t mean by learning a new language or picking up an instrument or becoming a Youtube chef or a TikTok star. I mean in those day-to-day moments where normalcy has been broken: teaching kids, having friends, getting groceries, ruptured vacations and events, altered or lost careers. The days are long, yet somehow blur. There is nothing certain beyond tomorrow and specific due dates for homework or work projects. What is worth holding onto from before? What really isn’t? What does it mean to be functioning NOW in this quarantined, socially distanced environment? This is a life nothing like what was happening before, and it’s okay to hold a space for however that makes us feel, and it’s also okay to let go of whatever normal was before and change our ways. Maybe your family doesn’t need Taco Tuesday anymore, but they could use a music break after lunch every day. Maybe you and your partner set up a time where you DON’T watch a movie together after sharing the same office all day. You’re allowed to not know what would make this better. You’re allowed to hold onto the habits you need to feel centered. You’re allowed to change completely. This is new and unprecedented, and we’re all stuck with a new pet elephant that lives in every corner of our lives.
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Lower Your Quarantine Expectations
You don’t have to accomplish all these quarantine goals. It’s okay to just make it through.
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How to Celebrate Quarantine Birthdays
Some of our kiddos have the misfortune of having their birthdays land in the mess that is self-isolation and social distancing during this coronavirus pandemic. Now they can’t go out, can’t get dinner, can’t see friends or family, and probably feel like they’re going to have a lousy time. Here are some ways to make their cooped up special day feel like it’s actually special during these strange circumstances:
- Make a scavenger/ treasure hunt! This can be done in the house or in the yard. You can hide little trinkets around and even try to make it themed like you would a typical birthday party. You can also create a spy-like challenge with streamers as the “lasers” to crawl through or hide clues in balloons for them to pop. You can make it a race or a team effort!
- Everyone can log onto an app (like zoom) and have a virtual party. We just did that for my husband’s aunt as a surprise for her birthday, and she was over the moon to get to see everyone, even if it was just virtually.
- Dance party! Have a party with your family inside and get silly. It’s hard to feel lousy while you’re dancing and having a good time.
- Drive-by party. Drive through the neighborhood and have friends and neighbors wear hats and hold signs up so they can celebrate from a safe distance. That’s a pretty special birthday surprise!
- Chalk letters are super sweet! Let friends come by (at staggered times, of course) to leave notes or draw pictures on your sidewalk so the birthday kid can see how much their friends care even if they can’t play together in person right now.
- Funny pictures can show your friends and family are celebrating you from their own homes. You can even have a spirit week of sorts where you can send each other pictures with crazy hair or silly socks or other themed outfits.
This is hard on our kiddos, too, especially those who have birthdays or other special events they feel like they can’t celebrate through all this separation. Social distancing is important, but we don’t have to let the physical distance turn into emotional distance as well! COVID-19 isn’t a reason to fall apart. It’s a reason to get connected in more meaningful ways than ever before!
www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809
Child & Adolescent Therapy | Play Therapy | Family Therapy | Couples Counseling | Individual Counseling | Online Counseling & Telehealth
Anxiety | Depression | Trauma | Grief | Behavior | Parenting | Connections
Learn More
