Calming Back-to-School Worries

A new school year comes with a lot of changes. For starters, it can be intimidating for your child to meet new classmates, new teachers, and get accustomed to a new classroom (or maybe even a new school altogether). On top of that, COVID-19 has impacted the way your kiddo’s education is delivered, and they may be going back to school in person for the first time in over a year! After school activities are resuming as well, so they may be nervous to jump back into the sport they previously played before the pandemic.

It’s important to note that relaxation goes hand-in-hand with having fun. They key components of having fun are feeling comfortable, present, and confidence in their success, which can all be increased through relaxation techniques.

So, the first important relaxation technique is to practice being present. To begin, have your child plant their feet firmly on the ground. Prompt your child to let go of thoughts of the past or future by focusing only on what is currently happening around them. Call their attention to what they are currently experiencing in their five senses, and to notice how those sensations feel in their body. Here are some questions you can ask your child to help them focus on their senses:

• What do they see? They can simply label their surroundings, or search for a specific quality in the objects in the room. For example, how many objects in the room are their favorite color? Or how many circular shapes do they see near them?
• What can they hear? How many distinct noises can they hear? Are there noises they didn’t notice before, like the hum of the air conditioning unit or a bird chirping lightly outside?
• What do they smell? Maybe they can smell the fresh air, food being cooked down the hallway, or a cleaning product recently used.
• What do they taste? Have they eaten anything recently that is still lingering in their mouth, or have they forgotten to brush their teeth that morning?
• What can they feel? Call their awareness to the surfaces they are touching at the moment, like the chair they are sitting in. What does that feel like – soft, smooth, rough, or hard? What do their clothes feel like as they hang on their body?

A second relaxation technique you can practice with them is focusing on breathing in a deep, slow, and intentional way. You can encourage them to take long and slow breaths that fill their lungs to the top with air, and then empty them completely. Ask them to think about the way it feels in their body to breathe like that – How does it feel when the air enters their nose and moves down their throat to their lungs? What does it feel like when their chest expands and contracts with each breath? Controlling their breathing in this way will not only help your child calm their nerves, but will also help them remain present so they can enjoy themselves more. Remind them to stay in the moment, with that breath.

Next, practice visualizing success with your child. This means imagining what it would look like to achieve their goal or handle the situation well. You can do this with them before dropping them off at school, before practice, or before bed. Ask them to picture specific details about their situation, such as the feel of the grass, and imagine the best outcome. The more details in this mental image, the better! Athletes often visualize themselves hitting a perfect free-throw or kicking the ball perfectly into the net, and many of them swear by its effectiveness. Your child can use this technique to succeed in their after school activities, as well as successfully interacting with peers or calming their emotions. When they have seen in their minds that they can do this, they believe in themselves more! This naturally decreases worry and increases confidence.

Additionally, children are much more confident and comfortable when they can say, “I’ve done this before” or “I know this”. So, practicing these relaxation skills outside of stressful environments builds their confidence in these skills and makes them more effective when stressors arise. With a few of these tools in their toolbelt, your child will feel more prepared to jump back into school and their activities.

If you feel that your child is unable to manage their worries on their own or with your support, reach out to Relate for a free phone consultation! In as little as a few sessions, your child can practice these skills and learn more so that they can be as successful as they can be, both in school and in their activities. Contact us at info@relatefamilytherapy.com or (303) 954-9809 if you’d like some extra support with managing feelings, emotions, and behaviors during these transitions and changes.

I’m an Adult, Aren’t I?

It’s hard to feel like an adult when you’re in this swirling storm of questions and uncertainty. Every path seems difficult and wrought with the same obstacles of difficulty, money, and time. It all seems overwhelming, maybe to the point that you’ve shut down because apathy seems better than trying and failing. You feel like you’re going in circles, and it truly is miserable, but the risk of what happens if you break this cycle is somehow even more daunting. If you’ve never been taught how to make mistakes, that it’s okay to change direction, or how to determine your own definition of success, this land in between adolescence and adulthood is treacherous, and only seems to get worse. You lack contentment in the present and excitement for the future; sweet moments of relief come from reliving the past because, even though the pressure was high, the outcomes and objectives were clearly defined, and there’s freedom and relief in understanding.

When everything is muddled and you feel out of passion and energy, therapy can be a place to go. There’s an unbiased, but caring, party that can take all of that swirling storm and help you point out the pieces of it: the dark clouds, the bone-soaking rain, the slippery grass. They can teach you the tools both to cope with what is and to change what doesn’t have to be, and they can also tell you where you’ve stopped yourself from improving. Instead of sitting outside in the rain wishing it would get better or giving in to the cold, wet apathy, come inside. Dry off. Meet with someone who will help you make sense of your own world and your own desires and direction. So far you’ve been fed everyone else’s definitions of success and accomplishment. Now is the time to find your own.

Our friend Lindsey at Relate Family Therapy and Counseling knows all about the patterns of behavior that keep us moving in circles and staying out in the rain. She is someone who will invite you inside and let you really, truly feel, and then work with you to discover your own definition of normal, success, ambition, satisfaction, optimism, and self-acceptance. She will let you know when you’re dragging your heels through the mud, but she will also teach you how to cope with the muck, even what’s dried and stained the carpet.

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An Elephant Named Coronavirus

Look at the room around you. Without a doubt, it has changed over the last few weeks. Where there was tidiness now there are kids’ toys and school projects or work computers and stacks of paper. Where there had been a space for your blazer to hang on the back of the chair after a long day, now there is the sweatshirt you’ve been meaning to wash since last Thursday.

COVID-19 – the Coronavirus – is present all the time. It’s on our minds. It’s the elephant in the room. From those living alone and feeling the grasp of solitude even more fully, to the partners competing for “work from home” space, to the parents now trying to add homeschool teacher to their invisible load, along with extra responsibilities, questions, concerns, and maybe even some guilt about how they are handling this.

It’s not just the concern for the world or the anxiety for the health of your loved ones. It’s being a social butterfly or having one in your home that is now irritable, suffocated by isolation. It’s having to re-learn 3^rd grade math and fear you’re not cut out to be a teacher so your kid could suffer academically forever. It’s worrying that telling your kids the world is a dark and scary place right now might traumatize them, but it’s probably worse to tell them everything is fine… Right? It’s not knowing the next time you’ll see your aging mother. It’s not knowing if you’ll keep your job or find a new one in all this. It’s wondering if your spouse was always this messy, annoying, and loud. Wondering how there is so much laundry if everyone wears pajamas all day? Is it wrong to wear pajamas all day? Can the washing machine even wash off coronavirus if there are germs on the clothes?? Did we even buy enough laundry detergent to get through this? Everything adds to that invisible load.

Everyone carries an invisible load every day. Parents juggle soccer practice, teaching kids how to handle bullies, keeping the house clean while living life, being a present partner, and still having some semblance of personhood. Partners balance how to build their career with how that affects their partner, their dreams as individuals and as a unit, and their roles as a person and a significant other. People, in general, have their health, their families, their goals, their future, and their shoulds and wants and needs. So this is no different, except it is. It is massively different. And it’s going to be. It might even be different forever. And that might just have to be okay. If these words about normal stress versus these new stressors in a changed environment have you feeling panicky, that’s fine. You’re allowed to feel panicky. It is valid to feel overwhelmed and overstretched and confined and sad and confused. Feel those feelings.

This is a time to stretch our creativity muscles. I don’t mean by learning a new language or picking up an instrument or becoming a Youtube chef or a TikTok star. I mean in those day-to-day moments where normalcy has been broken: teaching kids, having friends, getting groceries, ruptured vacations and events, altered or lost careers. The days are long, yet somehow blur. There is nothing certain beyond tomorrow and specific due dates for homework or work projects. What is worth holding onto from before? What really isn’t? What does it mean to be functioning NOW in this quarantined, socially distanced environment? This is a life nothing like what was happening before, and it’s okay to hold a space for however that makes us feel, and it’s also okay to let go of whatever normal was before and change our ways. Maybe your family doesn’t need Taco Tuesday anymore, but they could use a music break after lunch every day. Maybe you and your partner set up a time where you DON’T watch a movie together after sharing the same office all day. You’re allowed to not know what would make this better. You’re allowed to hold onto the habits you need to feel centered. You’re allowed to change completely. This is new and unprecedented, and we’re all stuck with a new pet elephant that lives in every corner of our lives.

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How to Celebrate Quarantine Birthdays

Some of our kiddos have the misfortune of having their birthdays land in the mess that is self-isolation and social distancing during this coronavirus pandemic. Now they can’t go out, can’t get dinner, can’t see friends or family, and probably feel like they’re going to have a lousy time. Here are some ways to make their cooped up special day feel like it’s actually special during these strange circumstances:

1. Make a scavenger/ treasure hunt! This can be done in the house or in the yard. You can hide little trinkets around and even try to make it themed like you would a typical birthday party. You can also create a spy-like challenge with streamers as the “lasers” to crawl through or hide clues in balloons for them to pop. You can make it a race or a team effort!
2. Everyone can log onto an app (like zoom) and have a virtual party. We just did that for my husband’s aunt as a surprise for her birthday, and she was over the moon to get to see everyone, even if it was just virtually.
3. Dance party! Have a party with your family inside and get silly. It’s hard to feel lousy while you’re dancing and having a good time.
4. Drive-by party. Drive through the neighborhood and have friends and neighbors wear hats and hold signs up so they can celebrate from a safe distance. That’s a pretty special birthday surprise!
5. Chalk letters are super sweet! Let friends come by (at staggered times, of course) to leave notes or draw pictures on your sidewalk so the birthday kid can see how much their friends care even if they can’t play together in person right now.
6. Funny pictures can show your friends and family are celebrating you from their own homes. You can even have a spirit week of sorts where you can send each other pictures with crazy hair or silly socks or other themed outfits.

This is hard on our kiddos, too, especially those who have birthdays or other special events they feel like they can’t celebrate through all this separation. Social distancing is important, but we don’t have to let the physical distance turn into emotional distance as well! COVID-19 isn’t a reason to fall apart. It’s a reason to get connected in more meaningful ways than ever before!

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Family Connections During Coronavirus Quarantine

How to Connect to Family Instead of Stress

There is no doubt that this is a scary time. Everyone is feeling overwhelmed, thrust out of their routine – their normal. Schools are closed, so kids are home. Work is closed or remote, so parents are home. The whole family system is completely in disarray during this frightening coronavirus pandemic. How do you keep the family connected when this coronavirus situation has everyone stressed, distracted, confused, and scared?

Take a breath. There is plenty of time to take the space to figure this out. No one is going anywhere for the time being, so you will have a lot of opportunity to trial and error your way into a system that works for your family. There’s a balance of schedule and freedom to be had. Schoolwork still needs to be done, but if the kids have the ability to take more breaks and need them, that’s not going to hurt anything. Worry less about keeping everything the same as before and more about making the most of what is, because things are absolutely not the same as before. They won’t be for a long time, if they ever truly are. So it’s time to get creative.

Technology. It will be the savior and the biggest stressor in a lot of homes. Technology will keep us connected to friends – which will be incredibly important to young people – and academic needs, but it will also keep us disconnected from those we are physically near and focused on the constant stream of information and updates. While this is obviously important, dedicating a few hours a day to each other with electronics turned off is also a good idea.

In our Spring Break series of blogs, we were talking about memories. We can still make memories now. Hopefully later this year our kids can look back and reflect on that time we were all quarantined inside and say, “Oh my. Remember that fort we made in the living room to do our homework in?” or, “How about when we let the littlest sibling help with dinner and they put sprinkles in the mac and cheese?” These small moments will make huge impacts on how our kids remember this wildly different, unprecedented time.

But, we can also take a moment to validate our fears. This situation will likely produce anxiety in the calmest of our family members, and depression often spikes in isolation. There is so much uncertainty, loneliness, and fear right now. Parenting and behavioral issues are more difficult right now. You might feel angry, resentful, and frustrated. And that is okay to admit, and it’s okay to seek help. You may not be able to get into a therapist’s office, and you may not have the quietest space at home, but our friend technology is back in the position to be of service. Telehealth options are available. You can get online mental health services for yourself or another member of your family through video and phone calls. In that way Relate Family Therapy can help you and your family in this time. COVID-19 may have us all physically separated, but we are still able to support your mental health needs from a distance with online therapy.

Give us a call and otherwise know we are thinking about you, hoping for your safety, and wishing you all the peace and hope you can find in this time.

www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809

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Coronavirus/ COVID-19 Precautions

Stay safe and wash your hands often!

www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809

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Spring Break Memories

Spring Break: Memories

Favorite vacation experiences from childhood or as a parent from your friends at Relate Family Therapy:

Jasmyne: Best memory of worst vacation. Our car broke down on the way to Noah’s Ark in the middle of Amish country so we had to hitchhike in order to get to a phone to get the car towed. We then spent the day at Noah’s Ark (huge water park) and the pavement was so hot that all of our feet got huge blisters. Then we went to Chicago and had the famous Gino’s East Pizza, and there was a cockroach that fell into my food. Finally, we ended the trip at Wrigley Field where the players had played 17 innings the night before and wouldn’t come out to sign autographs; the game also had a lightning delay, which lasted so long we left without watching them play. Good memories. Bad times.

Natalie W: We took our 4-year-old son to Cabo. He was all by himself on the balcony just watching the ocean. He was just taking it in and still talks about how much he loved it. How special to see things through the eyes of a child, especially because I also love the beach and the ocean!

Megan: Easy. Snorkeling. We went with the kids over spring break in Honduras and Mexico. They were so excited. My daughter outswam all of us, which she thought was the best. My son liked to try to get close enough to pet the fish.

Shelby: I loved the random moments. The time we were lost in Arkansas and drove through a WEIRD town with no strays but that had statues of dogs on every porch. The time my sister saved a turtle crossing the road and almost told everyone in Taco Bell about the Save the Turtle Foundation she made up in the car. We were going to have a “home-cooked” meal at a buffet one night instead of fast food, but it turned out to be the most disgusting food we had every had to suffer through. The times when things went wrong or unexpected are what we laugh about now.

Maryjane: I enjoyed the really long car trips we did because I got to spend time with my sister that was older. We always ended up with silly inside jokes. Dollywood in Tennessee was the most incredible to me when I was a kid! A whole theme park just based on who a person is!

The most impactful memories are seldom made out of the perfect plans!

www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809

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Spring Break Travel Tips

Spring Break: Travel Tips

Driving or flying with kids can be so daunting of a task you just want to forget the whole mess, except now you feel guilty for not achieving the social media-worthy vacation of your dreams. First off: throw away those expectations of a picture-perfect trip with nothing but sunshine and happy faces. Let’s be realistic. Kids are going to get cranky (and adults too, sometimes!) Your spouse wants to do something spontaneous when you painstakingly created the itinerary with no help. But here’s the TRUTH:

It will be okay.

Here are some tips and tricks to make the traveling less stressful:

• SNACKS! All the snacks, especially special ones and ones that last a long time, like lollipops and jerky
• GAMES! There’s the Name Game, License Plate Bingo, etc
• TABLETS! There’s no shame in the kids getting some screen time. Even better, download the movie they’ve been waiting forever to see or let them get a new game that will keep their attention focused for a long time
• ACTIVITIES! New, very special books and coloring pages can keep their focus with novelty
• PLAN! Or don’t! Kids might not be capable of handling all-day adventures from dawn to dusk. Some downtime can be really nice for everyone.
• ACCEPTANCE! Things will inevitably go wrong, but those can be the best memories of all. Madness, mayhem, and malfunction are often fun, and sometimes make for hysterical stories. Remember, the experiences and the bonds formed and strengthened are the best part of vacations

Your friends at Relate Family Therapy are here to remind you to RELAX and ENJOY the trip!

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Spring Break Road Trip

Spring Break: Driving Adventures

If you’re looking for a little more adventure, check out the 8-hour driving radius around Denver down below!

In South Dakota you can see:

• Caverns
• An 1880s Town
• Dinosaur Park

In Wyoming:

• Beautiful Scenery
• Raptor Center
• Several Museums

In Kansas:

• Dorothy’s House and the Land of Oz
• Underground Salt Museum
• Geodetic Center of North America

In New Mexico:

• Bug Museum
• Meow Wolf
• Giant Plastic Whale

In Nebraska:

• Boot Hill and a Petrified Wood Gallery
• Interesting Landscapes

In Texas:

• There is basically nothing worthwhile around Amarillo, TX (so says our resident Texan at Relate)

Safe travels from your friends at Relate Family Therapy!

www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809

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Spring Break Around Town

Spring Break: Around Denver

Every time spring creeps up it brings with it the anxiety of “What are we going to do with the kids on Spring Break?!” The decision becomes whether or not to travel, what to do, how to even make it through traveling with the kids, and if all the stress of it all is even worth the hassle.

Experiences, even if that’s not what your kid says they want, are incredibly impactful. Chan and Mogilner (2017) researched the emotional impact of material vs experiential gifts and found that, while both bring good emotions initially, only experiences created high levels of positive emotions when consumed. This means that experiences fostered stronger relationships than just being given a tangible item, even if the recipient didn’t do the activity with the purchaser/giver of the gift. Experiences are, then, so often more than worth the hassle in building those familial bonds.

If you decide it’s better for your family to stay close to Denver, here are some options for experiences that won’t break the bank:

• Denver Art Museum, Denver Zoo
• Grilled Cheese Fest downtown
• Camps for all ages and all interests – from learning about animals to writing plays to playing sports
• Apps like Groupon have activities ranging from laser tag to axe-throwing
• Create (or get an app) and do a scavenger hunt downtown!
• There are natural areas galore, so you can hike or camp or look for wildlife to view (from a distance, of course!)
• Just up the road in Boulder is a slackline park. You just need your own equipment!

Your friends at Relate Family Therapy wish you a splendid Spring Break! Stay safe and wash your hands!

www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809

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