An Elephant Named Coronavirus
Look at the room around you. Without a doubt, it has changed over the last few weeks. Where there was tidiness now there are kids’ toys and school projects or work computers and stacks of paper. Where there had been a space for your blazer to hang on the back of the chair after a long day, now there is the sweatshirt you’ve been meaning to wash since last Thursday.
COVID-19 – the Coronavirus – is present all the time. It’s on our minds. It’s the elephant in the room. From those living alone and feeling the grasp of solitude even more fully, to the partners competing for “work from home” space, to the parents now trying to add homeschool teacher to their invisible load, along with extra responsibilities, questions, concerns, and maybe even some guilt about how they are handling this.
It’s not just the concern for the world or the anxiety for the health of your loved ones. It’s being a social butterfly or having one in your home that is now irritable, suffocated by isolation. It’s having to re-learn 3rd grade math and fear you’re not cut out to be a teacher so your kid could suffer academically forever. It’s worrying that telling your kids the world is a dark and scary place right now might traumatize them, but it’s probably worse to tell them everything is fine… Right? It’s not knowing the next time you’ll see your aging mother. It’s not knowing if you’ll keep your job or find a new one in all this. It’s wondering if your spouse was always this messy, annoying, and loud. Wondering how there is so much laundry if everyone wears pajamas all day? Is it wrong to wear pajamas all day? Can the washing machine even wash off coronavirus if there are germs on the clothes?? Did we even buy enough laundry detergent to get through this? Everything adds to that invisible load.
Everyone carries an invisible load every day. Parents juggle soccer practice, teaching kids how to handle bullies, keeping the house clean while living life, being a present partner, and still having some semblance of personhood. Partners balance how to build their career with how that affects their partner, their dreams as individuals and as a unit, and their roles as a person and a significant other. People, in general, have their health, their families, their goals, their future, and their shoulds and wants and needs. So this is no different, except it is. It is massively different. And it’s going to be. It might even be different forever. And that might just have to be okay. If these words about normal stress versus these new stressors in a changed environment have you feeling panicky, that’s fine. You’re allowed to feel panicky. It is valid to feel overwhelmed and overstretched and confined and sad and confused. Feel those feelings.
This is a time to stretch our creativity muscles. I don’t mean by learning a new language or picking up an instrument or becoming a Youtube chef or a TikTok star. I mean in those day-to-day moments where normalcy has been broken: teaching kids, having friends, getting groceries, ruptured vacations and events, altered or lost careers. The days are long, yet somehow blur. There is nothing certain beyond tomorrow and specific due dates for homework or work projects. What is worth holding onto from before? What really isn’t? What does it mean to be functioning NOW in this quarantined, socially distanced environment? This is a life nothing like what was happening before, and it’s okay to hold a space for however that makes us feel, and it’s also okay to let go of whatever normal was before and change our ways. Maybe your family doesn’t need Taco Tuesday anymore, but they could use a music break after lunch every day. Maybe you and your partner set up a time where you DON’T watch a movie together after sharing the same office all day. You’re allowed to not know what would make this better. You’re allowed to hold onto the habits you need to feel centered. You’re allowed to change completely. This is new and unprecedented, and we’re all stuck with a new pet elephant that lives in every corner of our lives.
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Lower Your Quarantine Expectations
You don’t have to accomplish all these quarantine goals. It’s okay to just make it through.
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Family Connections During Coronavirus Quarantine
How to Connect to Family Instead of Stress
There is no doubt that this is a scary time. Everyone is feeling overwhelmed, thrust out of their routine – their normal. Schools are closed, so kids are home. Work is closed or remote, so parents are home. The whole family system is completely in disarray during this frightening coronavirus pandemic. How do you keep the family connected when this coronavirus situation has everyone stressed, distracted, confused, and scared?
Take a breath. There is plenty of time to take the space to figure this out. No one is going anywhere for the time being, so you will have a lot of opportunity to trial and error your way into a system that works for your family. There’s a balance of schedule and freedom to be had. Schoolwork still needs to be done, but if the kids have the ability to take more breaks and need them, that’s not going to hurt anything. Worry less about keeping everything the same as before and more about making the most of what is, because things are absolutely not the same as before. They won’t be for a long time, if they ever truly are. So it’s time to get creative.
Technology. It will be the savior and the biggest stressor in a lot of homes. Technology will keep us connected to friends – which will be incredibly important to young people – and academic needs, but it will also keep us disconnected from those we are physically near and focused on the constant stream of information and updates. While this is obviously important, dedicating a few hours a day to each other with electronics turned off is also a good idea.
In our Spring Break series of blogs, we were talking about memories. We can still make memories now. Hopefully later this year our kids can look back and reflect on that time we were all quarantined inside and say, “Oh my. Remember that fort we made in the living room to do our homework in?” or, “How about when we let the littlest sibling help with dinner and they put sprinkles in the mac and cheese?” These small moments will make huge impacts on how our kids remember this wildly different, unprecedented time.
But, we can also take a moment to validate our fears. This situation will likely produce anxiety in the calmest of our family members, and depression often spikes in isolation. There is so much uncertainty, loneliness, and fear right now. Parenting and behavioral issues are more difficult right now. You might feel angry, resentful, and frustrated. And that is okay to admit, and it’s okay to seek help. You may not be able to get into a therapist’s office, and you may not have the quietest space at home, but our friend technology is back in the position to be of service. Telehealth options are available. You can get online mental health services for yourself or another member of your family through video and phone calls. In that way Relate Family Therapy can help you and your family in this time. COVID-19 may have us all physically separated, but we are still able to support your mental health needs from a distance with online therapy.
Give us a call and otherwise know we are thinking about you, hoping for your safety, and wishing you all the peace and hope you can find in this time.
www.relatefamilytherapy.com | 303-954-9809
Child & Adolescent Therapy | Play Therapy | Family Therapy | Couples Counseling | Individual Counseling | Online Therapy & Telehealth
Anxiety | Depression | Trauma | Grief | Behavior | Parenting | Connections
Learn More